Transgender Day of Remembrance 🕯️🤍
Today, November 20, is Transgender Day of Remembrance.
On this day, we honor and remember all of the transgender, nonbinary, and gender-expansive lives that have been cut short due to anti-transgender violence and bigotry.
For the past week, I have had an alter lit for one of the people I lost almost 7 years ago — a long-time family friend of mine, Brett Guerrero.
Brett and I met in high school after they became good friends with my sister. They were instant family. We often shared our love of music, showing each other the recent albums we had been listening to.
They told me they were transgender the first year I had met them and they were the first transgender person I knowingly met. While my sister and my family openly embraced them, that was not the case for most other areas of their life.
I often saw them experience transphobia, rejection, and vitriol from their peers, their family, and even strangers. They frequently struggled with employment, which impacted their ability to participate freely in the world. For example, they couldn’t afford a car in a city with incredibly limited public transportation.
So, when we wanted to see each other, I would pick them up and we would drive while listening to the music we both enjoyed so much when we were together. Blink-182, Beyonce, and Cloud Cult were just a few of our favorites.
Brett and I stayed friends as we grew into adults. I received an annual text from them asking me how to vote locally, because while they didn’t keep close tabs on local politics, they cared deeply about making choices that would benefit historically marginalized communities.
Brett was a biracial nonbinary trans femme. They learned about the term nonbinary after I had come out, and soon shifted to using they/them pronouns.
They frequently came to TGX+ community events with me. Whether it was to watch me perform with the Trans Chorus of Los Angeles, attend rallies, or other Queer & TGX+ community events.
I remember the first time I saw them write “they/them” on their nametag at a fundraiser we attended. They felt proud and excited. They kept the nametag as a memento in their bedroom. One that I inherited after their passing.
Brett struggled with severe mental health conditions. They were in and out of various recovery and 12-step programs throughout their life. They were often in search of acceptance, and the ability to live freely and authentically.
They shared with me their goals for transitioning, their desire to start hormones, and their dreams of building community with more Queer & TGX+ folks who could share in their lived experience.
Right before their death, they were staying with my sister and me. I envisioned their stay as a step toward these dreams. An opportunity for them to be surrounded by people who loved them, and see what possibilities life had to offer.
But one night, I got a text from my sister:
“Brett’s gone.”
My heart panicked knowing the meaning behind those words.
On February 14, 2017, Brett’s life was taken by suicide.
According to UCLA William’s Institute, 42% of transgender adults have attempted suicide. (Compared to estimates of less than 1% for the general population).
Brett struggled with suicidal ideation at many points during their life. Their cognitions often telling them, “You do not belong”.
This is one of the messages that gets communicated to TGX+ individuals through stigma, anti-trans legislation, harassment, and violence that leads to loss of life in our community.
But it is not the truth.
The truth is that trans folks have always been here and will always be here.
The truth is that trans folks reveal to us the possibility of embracing our authenticity in its fullest capacity.
The truth is that trans folks deserve to be celebrated.
That, despite all odds, trans folks embody the courage and strength it takes to dare to be themselves every day.
That is the truth Brett deserved to know, and it is the truth we all must work to communicate through our commitment to the inclusion of the TGX+ community.
On this Transgender Day of Remembrance, I remember the life of Brett Guerrero. And I remember all of the lives that deserved a more loving, welcoming, and inclusive world. One that I will continue to work toward building in their honor, every single day.
In honor of Brett, I invite you to listen to one of our favorite songs.
You Were Born by Cloud Cult
“You were born into a strange world
Like a candle, you were meant to share the fire
I don't know where we come from, and I don't know where we go
But my arms were made to hold you, so I will never let you go
'Cause you were born
To change this life
You were born
To chase the light”
How will you spend this Transgender Day of Remembrance? Whether it’s by learning more about this day, lighting a candle, or attending a community event, I’d love to know.
To learn more about creating cultures of belonging for TGX+ communities during TDOR and beyond, join our monthly TGX+ Inclusion Roundtable for HR, DEI, and ERG Leaders.
